My Immortal rewrite
by CrystalStitchpunk
Summary: The fanfiction that changed everyone's lives rewritten to be readable and slightly more logical, even if not much more enjoyable.
1. Chapter 1

Note: I thought it would be interesting to spend my spare time rewriting the infamous fanfiction 'My Immortal.' (If you don't know it, although I doubt anyone hasn't heard of it, I advise you read it. I warn you now; it is very badly written and makes no sense whatsoever.) This version will be more logical and will have better spelling, in addition to having more realistic characters and a better plot. I know that with all that it may be nothing like the original story, but it is what I would like to do with it. Thank you, and enjoy!

...

My name is Tara 'Ebony' Way and I am 17 years old. I got my nickname from my long, ebony hair that reaches my mid-back. I have been growing it for as long as I can remember and in addition to the black colouring it has purple streaks and red tips. My eyes are watery blue and my skin is pale. I am a witch and am in my seventh year at Hogwarts, a magic school in Scotland. I'm a goth and wear mostly black, with colourful accessories to spice it up. I love being different and often shop in the clothing store Hot Topic, (ignoring the cartoon shirts and preppy fandom crap that sells there as well.)

...

On this particular day I was wearing a miniskirt, corset and combat boots as well as fishnet tights and a lot of makeup. By that point the teachers had stopped bothering to tell me off because I never listened, but I put my robe on over the top with the front open to ward of any nagging. The sleet was making my makeup run but I liked it that way, so didn't bother protecting my face. I saw a few younger students staring at me; they looked away quickly enough when I flipped them off and glared in their direction.

"Hey, Ebony," I heard a voice calling me. I turned to see who it was coming from and smiled when I saw it was just my friend, Draco.

"What's up, Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing much," he replied with a small smile, "I just wanted to say hello." Just then I heard someone else calling my name, and a quick glance over my shoulder confirmed it was one of my friends.

"I've gotta go, Draco, but I'll see you later," I laughed, running off before he could reply.


	2. Chapter 2

Note: I'm writing this minutes after uploading the first chapter so as of yet there are no reviews. There's nothing else to report, other than I'm enjoying writing this more than I ought to. I don't know if 'Great Hall' should be capitalized but I haven't read the books in a long time, so I'll just do what the original does.

...

The next day I woke up and opened the lid of the lined coffin I use as a bed. Some people think it's weird that I sleep in it instead of a regular bed but I don't care what they think. I could see through the window that it was sleeting again. I put on a leather dress plus the same boots as yesterday and stood accessorizing and applying makeup in front of a mirror. As I tied my hair up in a messy bun I saw in the mirror the coffin next to mine opening too. My best friend, Willow, sat up and smiled at me; her long, black and pink hair was messy and tangled but her deep green eyes were fully awake. She got up and put on some similarly rebellious clothes before joining me at the mirror.

"So I saw you talking with Draco yesterday," she teased while applying mascara.

"Yeah, so?" I muttered defensively. We walked out through the common room towards the Great Hall, neither of us putting on our robes.

"Do you like him?" she asked, gently elbowing me in the ribs.

"No! I don't!" I hissed, blushing. Coincidentally, Draco approached us at that point. Willow smirked.

"Hello," he said politely.

"Hey," I responded and gave Willow a small glare.

"Guess what, Ebony?" he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, I heard that Good Charlotte is holding a concert in a Muggle town near here," he said, looking like he was holding back a sneer.

"Oh my LORD! I LOVE Good Charlotte, they're one of my favourite bands!" I nearly yelled, clapping my hands together.

"Well, I've got two tickets, and..." He trailed off and I held my breath. "Would you like to go with me?"

I gasped.


	3. Chapter 3

Note: Thanks for not leaving any nasty messages so far, viewers.

...

On the night of the concert I dressed myself up in lace and leather, all of it red and black. My nails and makeup was flawless, if I do say so myself, and to pass the time I listened to a Good Charlotte CD and read some poetry while perched on the closed lid of my coffin. When it was time I headed outside to the main doors and was greeted by Draco. He was just wearing a band T-shirt and baggy trousers, both black. I was a little surprised to see that he, too, was wearing a little eyeliner and nail varnish.

"Hey, Draco," I greeted him. He walked down the stairs to the doors of a sleek, black car.

"Using Muggle transport, I see," I commented sarcastically. He blushed slightly.

"It's so we blend in, Tara," he said stiffly. I clenched my jaw and got into the passenger seat. We drove off and listened to various bands as we went on the reasonably long journey.

...

When we eventually got there I pushed my way to the mosh pit, dragging Draco with me. We both jumped up and down to the music, waving excitedly at the band members if we caught their eyes.

"Joel is so hot," I shouted over the music to Draco, watching the dark-haired singer dreamily. Draco looked a little hurt. "What's wrong?" I asked. Then I caught on. "Not as hot as you, though!" I said with a flirtatious wink.

"Really?" Draco asked a little sensitively and put his arm around me.

"Yeah. Besides, I don't know Joel personally and he's going out with Hilary Duff." I rolled my eyes. "Stupid bitch," I added under my breath.

The rest of the concert went well. We shared a cup of beer and asked the band members for photographs and signatures afterwards, and even bought matching shirts. We got back into the car and began the journey back to the school, but when we reached the gates instead of driving towards Hogwarts Draco drove towards the Forbidden Forest!


	4. Chapter 4

Note: Shout out to CarrieLemon for following the story. Also I have no intention of writing anything inappropriate , so I'll skim over the 'thingy in the you-know-what' section.

...

"_Draco,_" I hissed, "What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Draco didn't reply, stopping off the car at the edge of the forest and getting out. I got out too. "What the hell?!" I repeated.

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped. He leaned in close and gazed into my eyes; I could tell he didn't mean any harm so I relaxed slightly. "Why are we here?" I questioned in a softer tone. He kissed me gently, his face so close I could feel the heat of his cheeks. I sat down on the hood of the car and continued kissing him with my arms around his neck. All I want to say is that one thing led to another and not long after we were curled up next to each other on the grass, our hair, clothes and makeup a mess. I nuzzled my nose into the crook of his neck and entwined our fingers, sighing happily. We both jumped as a voice rang out in the darkness,

"What in God's name are you two doing?!" I looked up fearfully and confirmed my suspicions; it was Dumbledore.


	5. Chapter 5

Note: Sorry about how short these chapters are, the original has barely 300 words per chapter and while I try to improve the storyline a little I don't want to go completely off track. That said I may add in details to explain plot holes in the original story.

...

Dumbledore made Draco and I follow him, leaving the car behind.

"You thoughtless fools!" he shouted as he stomped along. I began to cry quietly so Draco put his arm around me comfortingly. He took us back to the castle and through the corridors to an empty classroom where Professors Snape and McGonagall were waiting; they didn't look happy. In fact, they looked furious.

Neither I nor Draco knew this, but McGonagall had noticed us leaving the castle earlier that evening and alerted Snape and Dumbledore. They kept lookout while we were gone and prepared to lecture us when we returned, but saw that Draco drove into the forbidden forest instead of to the castle's main entrance. Dumbledore had left to come and get us and caught us after we made love.

"They were having _intercourse_ in the Forbidden Forest!" Dumbledore explained. I didn't think the two professors could look any angrier but it turns out I was wrong.

"Why would you do such a thing?" Professor McGonagall asked heatedly.

"How dare you?" Snape snarled.

"It's because I love her!" Draco retorted. Everyone went quiet for a few moments.

"I love you too..." I murmured and squeezed his hand.

"You know very well you aren't supposed to leave the school premises without permission," McGonagall said, breaking the pause.

"I thought that was only a rule for 5th years and under," I said, followed by a yawn. It was nearly 1 o' clock and I was too tired to argue with the professors.

"Well, it isn't," Snape drawled, "And you shouldn't have been doing... _that _anyway. Definitely not in the Forbidden Forest."

"I wanted to show Ebony how much I love her," Draco explained with a slight glare, "And I have never heard the specific rule not to do 'that' in the forest."

"You know not to go into the forest at all," Dumbledore sighed. Draco shrugged.

"Regardless, I will be taking 30 points from Slytherin, 15 for each of you." Snape said. I opened my mouth to protest but Draco cut me off.

"Thank you for not issuing a more severe punishment," he said gratefully.

"Go to bed and don't stop on the way," Dumbledore ordered. Draco and I left swiftly.

"I can't believe we didn't even get a detention," I breathed, although I was still quite shaken up from the initial fear that we would be in a lot of trouble.

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently. We gave the password to the portrait and went into the common room.

"Yeah, I guess..." I lied. He stroked my hair and gave me a small kiss then bid me goodnight. I smiled gladly and went up to my room to get ready for bed.


	6. Chapter 6

Note: Sorry that the canon characters are extremely OOC. In this story they are beyond saving.

...

When I woke up the next day I got dressed and sprayed my hair purple. Willow hadn't woken up on time but I decided not to disturb her and just went down to the Great Hall. I poured myself some cereal and a glass of juice, but as soon as I began eating someone bumped into me and I spilled the contents of the glass over the table.

"Bastard!" I barked. I glared up and saw that the culprit was a tall boy with messy hair, black with a red streak or two. He was pale, like me, and was wearing a little eyeliner. I blushed slightly; although I wasn't happy about my spilt juice I didn't see many gothic students around school and didn't want to pass up the opportunity to befriend one.

"I'm so sorry," he said shyly.

"That's all right, sorry I snapped. What's your name?" I asked.

"My name's Harvey Potter," he said with a smile. "I'm not related to the famous Harry Potter, though," he added quickly. He was probably mistaken for a celebrity's relative a lot. "Most people call me Vampire these days."

"Why?" I asked.

"The nickname sprung up when I started doing my hair like this," he explained, gesturing to the black and red bird's nest on his head.

"Would you like to sit down?" I asked. He nodded and seated himself. While I finished my cereal and he munched on some toast we happily discussed hair dye brands and rock bands. Midway through a discussion about which of Gerard Way's hair styles was the best Draco came up to us and told me he had a surprise. I said a quick goodbye to Vampire and got up, following after Draco with a curious look in my eyes.


	7. Chapter 7

Note: This chapter is probably the stupidest one I've read/rewritten so far. It makes _no sense whatsoever. _Also I don't know if girls can go into the boys' rooms or not because it only specified boys going into the girls' rooms in the books. For the sake of the story I'll say they can.

...

Draco held my hand and led me all the way back to the Slytherin common room. All the students were in the Great Hall having breakfast so the common room was deserted. We went up to the 7th year boys' room and sat down on his bed. We kissed again, quite passionately, and undressed each other. With a small, nervous giggle I pushed him down onto his back and kissed his neck. Like the night before we began to make love, but I was distracted by a small tattoo on his collarbone. I leaned in closer to see what it was; I could make out a red heart with an arrow through it and after focusing harder I saw, in a dripping black font the words... Vampire Potter!

"You bastard!" I shouted and sprung off of him, yanking my clothes back on.

"What do you-?" he began.

"Your tattoo!" I yelled. His eyes widened.

"Wait, you don't understand!" he pleaded. I ran out of the room and all the way to the nearest group of classrooms, glaring in through the windows 'til I saw a familiar tangle of dyed hair. I kicked the door open and stomped inside, not paying the slightest bit of attention to the teacher's protests.

"Vampire Potter, you motherfucker!" I shrieked.


	8. Chapter 8

Note: I notice I'm getting next to no views on this story. Oh well, cry myself a river. I'm doing this for my own entertainment, (and, of course, CarrieLemon's,) so it's not really a problem if it's not popular.

...

Everyone in the class had turned to stare at me. Draco rushed in after me, panting from the running. His clothes were a mess and he had clearly put the, on in a rush.

"Ebony, please, it's not what you think!" he whined desperately. I ignored him. My friend Mary Smith smiled understandingly and flipped Vampire off. Her curly black hair was tucked neatly behind her back and her naturally hazel eyes were covered by red contacts.

"Why are you here, Miss Way?" Snape, who happened to be teaching the class, demanded. I barely heard him over the murmuring of the class.

"Vampire, I can't _believe_ Draco is cheating on me with you!" I roared. Everyone gasped. Draco furrowed his eyebrows.

'Why is she so mad with me?' Draco thought, 'I went out with Vampire for a while but he left me for a short-lived relationship with some annoying girl, Brittney. We're good friends now, but I don't like him in that way anymore.' Of course I didn't know any of this.

"I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire, who looked quite shocked.

"Yeah, right!" I sobbed, "I hate you, stupid bastard!" I ran out of the room, out of the school, all the way down to the Forbidden Forest. I slumped down next to the tire tracks of Draco's now-removed car, where I had lost my virginity and cried into my hands.


	9. Chapter 9

Note: What am I doing with my life? I know this doesn't seem to make such sense now, (did it ever?) what with Voldemort wanting Harvey dead despite the fact that he's not the chosen one or whatever. I didn't really want to have an overload of badly goth-ified versions of the canon characters, so I tried to make them regular people. That understandable to you? Because it sure as hell isn't to me.

...

I continued to cry for a few minutes, until I felt a breeze around me. I looked up and saw someone sat on a broom above me. I recognized his bald head and lack of a nose – it was Voldemort! I gasped and tried to scramble to my feet, but Voldemort pointed his wand at me.

"Imperius!" he shouted and I could no longer move. "Tara," he croaked, "You must kill Harvey Potter!" I was horrified. Even if Draco was cheating on me with him, I couldn't kill him! Now I thought about it, I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand. What if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? What if I'd jumped to a conclusion and there'd been a horrible misunderstanding?

He must have wanted an answer from me because then Voldemort shouted the counter spell and I shook out my limbs.

"Please, no!" I begged. He threw a gun down to me and I instinctively caught it.

"You MUST, or I will kill Draco!"

"No!" I shouted.

"If you don't kill Vampire, you know what will happen to Draco," he snarled and quickly flew away. I was so scared and confused that I didn't know what to do. I heard footsteps behind me and I spun around in fear, but it was just Draco.

"Draco," I gasped, relieved, "Hi!"

"Hi," he mumbled, looking down.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No..."

"I'm sorry I got mad, but I thought you cheated on me. I understand now,"

"That's okay," he said with a sigh, and helped me to my feet. We walked back to Hogwarts in stony silence, both of us looking at the ground.


	10. Chapter 10

Note: I'm using Wordpad (I'm using my mother's computer,) so I apologize for any mistakes in spelling/grammar.

...

I was thinking about what Voldemort had said all day. After lessons I went to practise with my band, Bloody Rose, in which I am the lead singer and a guitarist. Draco played in it, but wasn't there today. Another one of the schools's goths, Diabolo, played the drums. His real name was Ronald and he had neat black hair with blue streaks. Vampire had sent in a submission, but was using his real name so I didn't immediately take notice of the form. I bit my lip and looked away from the neat handwriting, riddled with guilt. We warmed up by playing a song by My Chemical Romance, but partway through I broke down in tears.

"Ebony? What's wrong?" Mary asked, putting down her bass and approaching me.

"I was in the Forbidden Forest and Voldemort told me that I have to kill Harvey or he'll kill Draco! Harvey seems really nice, even if he used to date Draco! I can't kill him!" All of a sudden the door slammed open and Draco marched in.

"What did you say?!" he shouted, "Why didn't you tell me?!"

"Why were you listening behind that doo-?" Diabolo began to ask, but was cut off by my loud sobs. Draco turned on his heel, tears glistening in his eyes, and left the room again. I didn't know where he was going or what he planned to do and that scared me. Mary calmed me down a little and convinced me that playing and singing would take my mind off of it. We continued rehearsing for a short while but were once again interrupted. This time it was Dumbledore himself throwing open the large doors to the room we were in.

"What did you do?!" he snapped, shaking.

"What do you mean...?" I asked tentatively.

"Draco Malfoy is in the infimary after cutting his wrists! He's not well and when he comes to, however briefly it may be, he just mumbles your name."


End file.
